Crows in Cowboy Hats
Because you deserve to see this. Every single one of these crows chose the cowboy hat life. I just facilitated.
Everything your crow can learn to do. Each one of these is real, tested, and has been successfully trained by me personally. I don't put anything on here I can't deliver.
Because you deserve to see this. Every single one of these crows chose the cowboy hat life. I just facilitated.
You know that guy. The one who keeps parking right in front of your driveway even though you've asked him nicely three times. Well, your crow will learn to recognize his face — crows are unbelievably good at this — and caw at him with maximum intensity every single time he does it.
It's not harassment. It's a crow expressing its opinion. And its opinion is that the man needs to park somewhere else.
Average training time: 2-3 weeks. Crows remember faces for years, so this is a long-term solution.
Cash Rules Everything Around Me — including your crow. This one's beautiful in its simplicity. Your crow learns to spot loose coins in and around your property, pick them up, and deposit them right on your doorstep.
Now look, I'm not promising you'll get rich. But over time? It adds up. One of my clients found $14.73 in the first month. That's basically a free lunch courtesy of your bird.
Average training time: 3-4 weeks. Crows love shiny things, so they take to this one naturally.
If you spend any time outside — working in the yard, sitting on the porch, grilling, whatever — this one's a game changer. Your crow learns to give a specific, distinct alert call the moment a delivery truck enters your street.
UPS, Amazon, FedEx — the crow doesn't discriminate. Big truck pulling onto your road? You'll know about it before the driver even finds your house number.
No more missed deliveries. No more packages sitting in the rain. Average training time: 2-3 weeks.
Similar concept to C.R.E.A.M., but with a civic twist. Your crow picks up cigarette butts and plastic bottle caps from around your property and brings them to a designated drop-off spot.
Only as a fair trade, of course. You give them delicious treats in exchange. The crow understands the deal. It's commerce. It's mutual respect. It's Bartertown.
Your yard stays clean, the crow stays fed, and you get to feel like a good citizen. Average training time: 3-4 weeks.
Train your crow to fly to a specific window or perch the moment someone walks up your front path. This is basically a Ring doorbell, except it runs on peanuts instead of Wi-Fi and it's got an attitude.
Since a lot of my clients are in Oakland, having a local lookout that doesn't need charging or a monthly subscription is a pretty solid upgrade. The crow is always on. The crow never needs a firmware update.
Average training time: 2-3 weeks. Crows are naturally alert to visitors — you're just giving them a protocol.
This one's clever. Your crow learns to hide a spare key to your house in a location that is completely non-accessible to humans. Up in a tree hollow, under a specific rock on a ledge, wherever the crow decides is secure.
When you need it, you give the crow a specific signal, and it retrieves the key for you. Locked out? Your crow's got you. A burglar trying to find your spare key? Good luck — it's in a spot only a bird can reach.
Average training time: 4-5 weeks. This one takes a bit longer because trust is involved on both sides.
Listen. Crows are incredibly fashionable. They know what looks good. And they love wearing hats. I don't know why, but it's true.
I can train your crow to wear whatever kind of hat you want. Miniature top hat? Classic choice. Cowboy hat? Your crow will look like it owns a ranch. Bowler hat? Distinguished. Backwards baseball cap? Cool as hell.
You can also match the hat to your crow's primary role. If your crow runs The Lawman, maybe it wears a little sheriff's hat. If it does C.R.E.A.M., maybe a tiny banker's visor. Sky's the limit.
Average training time: 1-2 weeks. Hats are usually an add-on to another service, but I'll do hats standalone too. I'm not going to turn away a crow that wants to look sharp.
You know those mornings where you just cannot get yourself out of bed? Your crow can fix that. I'll train it to caw at your bedroom window at a specific time every morning.
Unlike your phone alarm, you can't hit snooze on a crow. It doesn't care about your feelings. It's here to do a job, and that job is waking you up.
Average training time: 2-3 weeks. This one works especially well if you're the kind of person who sleeps through everything. The crow will not be ignored.
You spent good money on that bird feeder. You bought the nice seed. And every single morning, the same fat squirrel climbs up there and eats the whole thing before any songbird gets a chance. It's disrespectful.
Your crow will run perimeter defense. Squirrels, raccoons, pigeons — anything you designate as an unwelcome guest gets dive-bombed and cawed at until it leaves the premises. Crows are naturally territorial, so this is less "training" and more "giving the crow a job it already wanted."
Works great for vegetable gardens too. Anything that's eating your tomatoes will learn very quickly that the airspace is patrolled.
Average training time: 2-3 weeks. Crows love having turf to defend. This one's in their blood.
This is the one everybody loves. Your crow learns to carry a small folded note — a piece of paper, a little card, whatever fits in a beak — from your house to a specific nearby location. A neighbor's porch. Your kid's treehouse. The end of your driveway.
Now, we're not talking cross-country mail here. This is short range, maybe 200 yards max. But within that range? Your crow is faster and more reliable than your nephew who said he'd "run it over real quick."
People use this for all kinds of things. Love notes to the neighbor you're sweet on. Grocery lists to the in-laws next door. One guy uses it to send his fantasy football trash talk to his buddy across the street. I don't judge.
Average training time: 4-5 weeks. Navigation is easy for crows — the hard part is teaching them that the paper is cargo, not a toy.
This list is just what I've done so far. If you've got something specific in mind — something weird, something practical, something you've been thinking about at 2 AM — just tell me. If the crow can physically do it and it won't hurt the bird, I will figure out how to train it. That's a promise.
Tell Me Your Idea →All crow training is conducted within the obvious limits of physics and animal safety. Crows are living creatures and are treated with respect and care at all times. Darryl does not train crows to do anything that would cause harm to the bird, any person, or anyone's property. Hat sizes are custom-fitted for each individual crow. Training times are estimates and depend on the specific crow — some learn faster than others, just like people.